How Would You Describe Your Personality?
(Polaroid of my grandmother Loretta in July 1966)
How Would You Describe Your Personality?
floral wallpaper peeling off the walls of abandoned houses. redheaded ghosts cry as they watch the wallpaper peel, their hidden trauma discovered and later dumped into a lake to drown.
a lonely cherub who wishes to repeatedly shoot an arrow into the heart of a man who cries when he must leave her.
fallen peaches rotting in the dirt throughout the sweltering hours of summer afternoons. they yearn to be bitten, their juices dripping down the chins of sweet boys.
a girl who bleeds cherry pie out of her mouth, nose, and pores. she sits across from you in a field of fresh daisies. there are tears in her eyes, but this is the happiest moment of her life.
a Polaroid of your deceased grandmother you keep hidden beneath your pillow like a prayer card. you believe it will protect you.
VHS tapes trapped in VCRs accumulating dust in thrift stores. a customer will merely glance at the item and recognize the sorrow of nostalgia, but will not yearn for the past because they have simply moved on.
“How Would You Describe Your Personality?” is a poem I wrote recently regarding a writing prompt circling the writing community via Instagram. Clearly, I was inspired by the prompt, but was ultimately frustrated as I was forced to only think of myself. The question dawned on me, as if I was being asked in the process of a job interview. As I contemplated long and hard, I was greeted with images from my past – my deceased grandmother smoking a cigarette in front of the kitchen window, the sun shining on her face, thoughts running rapidly through her mind – a redheaded ghost who stood in the doorway of my bedroom, staring at me as if we shared a secret – my heart trapped in a wooden coffin below ground, yearning for a boy to remove the dirt and use the force of his teeth to unfasten the rusted lock hanging by a thread – the constant repeat of memories shared with people I love the most, their distant eyes revealing how they must proceed to the next chapter of their lives with caution, our shared moments undeniably fading into the past.
This specific prompt has informed me that my personality has clearly evolved through the people who have affected my life the most. Of course, throughout the poem, it is obvious to the reader that my personality emphasizes how I am an introvert who cautiously guards their love and sanity. I often dwell on the past, afraid of losing another person the way I lost my grandmother – afraid I will experience another haunting occurrence and no one will believe me again – afraid my love will never be enough for a man who has experienced too little in a far from sheltered life – afraid everyone has moved on but me. These memories not only shape my personality, but I’ve learned how I grasp tightly to these memories shared with people I love and people who frighten me, as if I will awake the next morning to a mind that is completely vacant of those memories.
By Chimen Kouri